if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
