I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
