Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
