it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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