Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
