Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
