I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
