$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got inside last night via doggy door
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
