he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
