just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
