eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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