Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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