Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
