i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
