positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
