just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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