As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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