he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
