If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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