Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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