Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
