shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
