i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
