I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
