This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
