Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
