Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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