and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
