if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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