It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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