his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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