Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
