sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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