i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
