is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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