He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
