1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
