my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
