would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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