I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
