Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
