you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
