I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
