Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
