I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
