And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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