In the future we'll all be gay
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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