Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
