remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
