I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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