Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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