ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
