i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
